It takes courage and strength to lift the weight of pain.
Pain is such a tangible and yet completely intangible thing. It bares a weight that is individual to all of us. It’s incredibly real in the moment and yet at the same time incredibly invisible to those around you. Pain is isolating like that. It’s individual, it’s relative and it’s always explained differently.
The weighted burden of being in pain can mentally wear you down. Ironically, it takes incredible strength to live, to continue to move despite the pain. I know for many that those first movements of getting out of bed – sit-up, brace yourself to lift your body, take a deep breath and then stand – can be a momentous act in itself. The movement is mechanical, and seems whimsical when you write it. Yet the movement is far from mechanical; it is courage in the face of painful adversity. It is digging dip into you self and using mental determination to throw energy at those joints and move move move because I know if I move move move the pain will stop when I next stop.
Does the pain ever stop? Will it ever go away? Some days are like fresh spring winds – they’re enlightening and sweep you along. But just like spring they don’t last. Maybe one day the pain will stop, maybe one day there will be a professional that actually knows why we’re in pain. Gosh, how many medical professionals have you seen? Every single one of them has the worlds most right reason for your pain, and every single one of them gives different diagnosis or different treatments. How can they be so right and yet I still be in so much pain?
My favourite tails of righteous doctors could spawn a comedy festival of it’s own! The Comedy of Medical Exploration where you are the frontier.
“you shall never ride another bicycle again”
“you shouldn’t do any exercise”
“you should exercise more”
“the weight is causing you pain”
“you don’t have enough fuel in your body, eat more of this”
“don’t eat red foods where pink purple poka dot flours grow”
“you should eat porridge every morning”
“you shouldn’t eat grains”
“take steroids every day, oh but they do cause infertility are highly toxic and will probably kill a small child if accidentally eaten”
“here’s chemo medication for your pain and swelling, oh but it will swell your liver and probably cause it to fail some point in the future”
So right, and yet so so wrong. All different, all the same. Some helped for a while, some not at all. One thing stays true, the pain. Pain is all but true to itself. It’s not you though. You are not pain, you have pain. You know it comes, you know it goes. You know some days you can’t walk, you can’t talk. You know some days the pain seems to go on a nice holiday and leaves you feeling at ease. You know that some medics are right for you, and that some may not be. Somedays you won’t want to lift the burden of pain up to get through another day. Most days, you will sum of your courage. You will sum up your strength. You will show great resilience and get up out of bed.
I know you can, you are the strongest person I know.